He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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