i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I checked into jail on foursquare
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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