Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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