I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
