I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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