Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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