Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
