I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
