It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
