from now on my penis is your penis
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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