My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
