I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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