the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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