You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
