yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he thought i was a dude.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
