why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
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At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
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It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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