standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
