ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
