I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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