oh god the rape fog is back!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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