Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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