Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
