I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
