please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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