Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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