Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
