i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
