Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My pussy is not your playground.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
