I swear she didn't look like that last week.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
