I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
