You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
