I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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