btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
