I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
