I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
