I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
