someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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