Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
