she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
