So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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