does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
