My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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