i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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