I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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