Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My bed smells like the plague
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