so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Randomize
