I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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