it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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