I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
