Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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