we're blogging at a bar
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
