My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
