i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
