Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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