I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
