Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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