How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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