Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
