Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
