hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
