walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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