They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
