last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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