it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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