Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
