please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
