i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
