I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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