I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
