You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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