tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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