i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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