Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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