too bad you live with your parents still
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
