Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
