Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
