Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
