I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
